I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
