you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
