Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
