So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
