I was born with a shot glass in my hand
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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