Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
