forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
