I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
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The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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