also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
