You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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