i would punch a child for taco bell
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
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she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
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My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize