Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
