haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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