Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
