Say something about gay babies.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
