I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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