so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
