I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
