I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
