Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
