They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
