This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
