im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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