belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
What did we do last night that was yellow?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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