you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
