I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
