Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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