Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Randomize
