if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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