Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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