He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
There's even glitter on my cock...
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