No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
