Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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