So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
