Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
