How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
