As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
