i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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