I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My pussy is not your playground.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
where are my eyebrows?
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