so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
