I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You were trust falling into bushes
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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