I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
