covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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