i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
