I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm both gender and math confused
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