haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
