The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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