Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
