I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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