There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
