He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
