if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
