I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
