Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
