i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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