I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
