Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
