Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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