Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Is it penis luge time yet?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
