idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
