I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
