I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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