he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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