you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
