Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
