1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
