i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
