I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
