I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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