Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
