So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
