Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You ate ashes out of my bong
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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