It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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