i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I need to calm my uterus...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
