I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
it's like iHOP with fire
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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