I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
